Archive for "March, 2012"

Should I Stop Having One Night Stands?

alone time, Blog, body, climax, common sexual rut, emotional hangover, friends, happiness, lonely in bed, Loveline, new hobbies, one night stands, perfect catch, quality time with yourself, sex, sex advice, sex question, sexual health, sexuality, Simone Bienne, therapy, vibrators Mar 29, 2012 Comments Off on Should I Stop Having One Night Stands?

Hi Simone,

I listen to you on Loveline and want to ask about what to do! For the last few months, I have been having a lot of one-night stands. Although I’m always careful, I confess that I’m not finding them very fulfilling. At times I’ve found myself feeling quite used. I’m not deliberately going out of my way to have one-night stands, in fact, I’d like a relationship, but I also love sex and so in the meantime, well, I think I might as well. I suppose in a way I’m ‘shopping around’ but while at times fun, I suspect it’s not the best way to start a relationship.  How can I get out of this cycle?

I don’t get the whole one-night stand thing. If a man doesn’t know how you take your coffee in the morning, how can he really know what turns you on? Rubbish sex is more frustrating than no sex at all, don’t you think? Sex also loses its shine when it fails to live up to unrealistic demands. Too many of us have been in a similar situation to yours. Using sex to be close with somebody. That ‘body’ for a short moment, gives you hope that your Facebook status is about to change. But post climax, the harsh reality is often that you’re left with a bigger emotional hangover than you had the night before. You don’t feel good about what you’ve done and to make matters worse, usually, the ‘body’ you’ve just slept with isn’t someone you’d like to date anyway.

So how do you get out of this cycle? I think you’ve done a lot of the hard work already. You’ve realized you don’t feel good about what you’re doing. Instead of more ‘shopping’, try doing what a single pal of mine does. To get her head round sometimes feeling lonely in bed, she chooses to share the space with a special friend. He’s called Stevie. He has batteries; and when he’s excited he buzzes. You see, with Stevie, you decide when, where and how often you have sex and you feel good about yourself afterwards. Stevie doesn’t make you feel used. In fact, he’s the perfect gentleman. He lets you come first! As for being single: Do what smug marrieds and couples complain they don’t get enough of. Spend some quality time with yourself. Hang out with your friends; start a new hobby; even go for therapy and find out how you tick. If your life is full, and the better you know yourself deep down, the chances are, not only will you be happier and less likely to sleep with some ‘body’ because you feel lonely, you’re far more likely to spot a perfect catch when he comes along. Good luck!

Public Displays of Affection: Why Can’t Some Celebrities Help Themselves? And How Much Is Too Much?

advice, Blog, Brad & Angelina, Casper Smart, celebrities, cuddling, David Beckham, First Lady, groping, hands-on, hugging, Jada Pinkett-Smith, Justin Bieber, Justin Timberlake, Katie Holmes, kissing, love advice, love life, Loveline, Mila Kunism JLo, Obama, PDA, public display of affection, relationship therapist, relationships, Simone Bienne, smooching, Tom Cruise, Victoria Beckham, Will Smith Mar 21, 2012 Comments Off on Public Displays of Affection: Why Can’t Some Celebrities Help Themselves? And How Much Is Too Much?

Celebrity couples: They are good-looking, loved up and know how to work it on the red carpet, but there’s an increasing number of A-listers getting X-rated when it comes to Public Displays of Affection.

For Justin Bieber & girlfriend Selena Gomez, a day at the beach turned into something of a love-in, but they are not alone. Many celebs have become experts in all types of public affection, so here’s a selection of my favorites:

First up and with plenty of cringe factor is The Steamy Smooch: Will Smith & wife Jada Pinkett-Smith were caught on a Jumbotron going for a Hollywood kiss at a basketball game, while J-Lo and Casper Smart have been snapped smooching anywhere and everywhere.

The Passionate Peck: Restrained and reassuring. David Beckham kissed Victoria’s nose after receiving his Order of the British Empire, while President Barack Obama seems to prefer the First Lady’s forehead.

The United Front is a favorite of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes: They love the show of solidarity, but Brad and Angelina manage to pull it off with a few more hands.

The Grope: Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis are offenders. Perhaps they went a bit too far at the MTV awards, thankfully it was tongue-in-cheek (they aren’t even a couple.) Brad Pitt was a little subtler at a film premiere, reaching for Angie’s derriere as they were photographed upfront.

Of course it’s not just celebrities displaying their affection for each other, so how far would you go?

You may find yourself cringing when you see your favorite celebs and their wandering hands, but new research actually shows that when we see people kiss and cuddle in public, it triggers positive emotions in the brain, leaving us with that warm and fuzzy feeling inside.

And if that’s the case, well I say, smooch away!

Celebrity Exes: The Truth Behind The Smiles… And If Stars Are Friends With An Ex, Should You Be Too?

Blog, Bruce Willis, Cameron Diaz, celebrities, celebrity lifestyle, Charlie Sheen, Demi Moore, Denise Richards, divorce, exes, family, how to be friends with an ex, Justin Timberlake, kids, Love, love life, Loveline, Marriage, moving on, paparazzi, public image, Reese Witherspoon, relationship advice, Ryan Phillippe, sex advice, should i stay friends with my ex, Simone Bienne, split, time out Mar 14, 2012 Comments Off on Celebrity Exes: The Truth Behind The Smiles… And If Stars Are Friends With An Ex, Should You Be Too?

Just recently we’ve seen Reese Witherspoon sitting next to her ex, Ryan Philippe at their son’s soccer game. Then there was Charlie Sheen, seen walking and smiling alongside his ex, Denise Richards. Many celebrity exes are on friendly terms, seemingly integrating their past into their present lives with ease.

So Why Are Celebrities Friends With Their Exes?

Celebrities are bound by certain rules. Even when children aren’t involved, many will feel ‘forced’ to remain friends with exes. Hollywood is a small town. They run into each other at public events; many share the same management; and will even be up for the same movies (think Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake in Bad Teacher – and if you’ve seen that film it’s probably a decision they both regret). Then there’s the rather huge issue of the paparazzi capturing their every move.

For the sake of their public image, celebrities need to be seen to be pleasant with each other. It makes good (business) sense. But what about non-celebrities…should you really be friends with an ex? Or is it better to leave the past where it belongs?

Here Are My Tips To Help You Decide Whether And How To Stay Friends With An Ex.

1. Ask yourself why you want to be friends. Whether or not you stay friends with an ex really depends on key factors in the relationship, like how serious the relationship was, and the reason for the split (for example, if a third party was involved or if the relationship simply ran its course). Bare this in mind when you ask yourself why you want to be friends? If it’s an attempt to hold on to a love lost, then it’s best not to delude yourself thinking that being ‘friends’ will make the break easier: it won’t. Don’t be ‘friends’ simply to ease the pain of the breakup. It will only prolong it.

2. If you decide to be friends, take ‘Time Out’ to give each other space to end the old relationship and start a new one – as friends. This will usually be anywhere from 3 months to a year, depending on the depth and length of your relationship.

3. If children are involved, like in Reese and Charlie’s splits, then of course you need to make a big effort. The prefect examples are Bruce Willis and Demi Moore who serve as great role models of staying friends with an ex. They put aside their differences in order to come together and provide solid parenting.

4. And if you’re still in love with them, then, no matter what you think, you are not ready to be friends yet. You might never be.  And that’s ok. Make sure you’re honest with yourself about this, so you can leave the relationship in the past in order to move forward in your life.

5. Whatever you decide, try and see the relationship for what it was. Remember the good in it, or at least what you’ve learned about yourself from it. My take is that if you can end love well, you’ll be able to do begin new love well too!

Do Women Really Have A Sex Peak? If So, Please Help!!!

Alfred Kinsey, better with age, biological clock, Blog, clock, cougars, couples, desire, hormones, Loveline, orgasm, relationship therapist, relationships, sex, sex advice, sex advice for women, sex drive, sex in your thirties, sex life, sex with younger guys, sexologist, sexual peak, sexuality, Simone Bienne, testosterone, women, younger guys Mar 07, 2012 Comments Off on Do Women Really Have A Sex Peak? If So, Please Help!!!

Hi Simone, 

I’ve heard callers on Loveline talk about their younger guys! I’m in my mid 30s and my boyfriend is seven years younger than me (lucky me!). Our sex life is great, but I’ve heard that women reach their sexual peak around my age so I’m worried that in a year or two I’m going to be past it. Is there anything I could do to prolong my peak?

Once a week, eat three cloves of garlic, mixed with horny goats weed from China… I’m sure I’ve read that somewhere. Like most other claims about prolonging your sexual peak, I haven’t seen any convincing evidence that any of them actually work. So I remain sceptical about this kind of thing and anything like it.

The idea of men and women having different peaks arose after Alfred Kinsey, the renowned sexologist, discovered that women in their 30’s had more orgasms than they did at any other time in their lives. Beneath the attention grabbing statistics, there are many factors – other than the physiological – that will have contributed to his findings. One of them is as simple as a woman feeling more confident and content as a thirty something. This may or may not be the case for you. But my point is, your sexuality is unique. It’s made up of physical, emotional and environmental factors. What’s going on for you both personally and in your relationship can change from day to day and week to week. For example, whatever your age, if you suffer some kind of loss or stress, the frequency of how often you want sex will change (and most likely be reduced). Alternatively, if you are having a good run of things, your sex drive could be as rampant as it was in your early 20s.

Of course it’s true that levels of testosterone (dubbed the desire hormone) in women drops as we age. But, testosterone alone doesn’t account for your sex drive. It’s simply one part of the mix. You could always get your levels checked, but no amount of testosterone will make you like (and want to be physically close to) your boyfriend if you’re arguing. The point is, sex isn’t about reaching a mythical peak at age 31 ¾ before everything goes downhill from there for the rest of your life.  Ask any 70 year old who enjoys their sex life (and many do, believe me). So in answer to your question: Are you on your way down or your way up on the (fictitious) chart? Who cares! The only sex rule you need to be following is the one that it sounds like you know already – enjoy it!